05/02/2023

Remark

So that they’re placing your own home on TV
On that present that so many will see!
Although we’re undecided congrats are so as,
For the reason that neighbors will know you’re a hoarder.

This week’s contest comes on the suggestion of Loser Extraordinaire Duncan Stevens, who’s these days been tidying up the 1,512-row Grasp Contest Listing on the Losers’ web site, NRARS.org, fine-tuning the descriptions of all Model Invitational contests since Week 1 in 1993 (full with hyperlinks to all their texts). Duncan thought it’d be enjoyable to redo Week 509 (2003): Give you a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card event. The events getting ink 19 years in the past included having cosmetic surgery, getting a subpoena, having a Hummer booted and being traded to the Wizards.

Duncan’s thought was heartily endorsed by “lonnnnngtime Hallmark freelancer” Bob Staake, who gives (to us, to not Hallmark) the emotions and cartoon above.

Submit as much as 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1513 (no capitals within the internet handle). Deadline is Monday evening, Nov. 14; outcomes seem Dec. 4 in print, Dec. 1 on-line.

Winner will get the Clowning Achievement, our Model Invitational trophy. Second place receives a pair of cute tiny earrings with little rest room paper rolls hanging down. It’s as much as you whether or not to put on them with the “paper” hanging in entrance or behind. Donated by Loser Cheryl Denney White.

Different runners-up win their alternative of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get considered one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders obtain solely a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for his or her first ink). See basic contest guidelines and pointers at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Smush Hits” is by Kevin Dopart; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Be part of the energetic Model Invitational Devotees group on Fb at on.fb.me/invdev; comply with Model Invitational Ink of the Day on Fb at bit.ly/inkofday; comply with @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Model Conversational: The Empress’s weekly on-line column discusses every new contest and set of outcomes. See this week’s, revealed late Thursday, Nov. 3, at wapo.st/conv1513; the E shares the outcomes of the 2003 contest, plus some astonishingly edgy “greeting cards” from 2006.

Smush hits from Week 1509: Combining 1-word film titles

In Week 1509, we requested you to mix two one-word film titles to make a brand new film. Lots of the 2,200 entries have been as painfully apparent as a Lifetime particular (“Traffic Misery”: Following the Beltway at rush hour) however we will’t present you 2,200 entries anyway. Simply this significantly better choice.

Gaslight Harvey: Individuals attempt to persuade a large rabbit that he’s loopy when he insists that Jimmy Stewart is following him round. (Hildy Zampella, Vienna, Va.)

Madagascar Lease: On this documentary, D.C. space employees go farther and farther afield in quest of reasonably priced housing. (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)

and the 1972 lissome-ladies license plate body:

Philadelphia Alien: Dr. Oz goes to a Flyers recreation sporting a Devils jersey. (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:

Parasite Boyhood: In Pixar’s newest, Tommy Tapeworm and his buddies seek for the proper hosts — and find yourself discovering themselves. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

Rated har: Honorable mentions

1984 Bananas: Carmen Miranda wears her most outrageous hat ever. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Booksmart Rocky: “Greetings and Salutations, Adrian!” (Karen Lambert)

8½ Goodfellas: As local weather change causes water to recede within the New Jersey Meadowlands, police make some grotesque discoveries. (Mark Turco, McLean, Va.)

Manhattan Eraserhead: A New York actual property magnate rises to a prime authorities put up and wipes categorised stamps from paperwork simply by eager about them. (Pleasure Rains, Bethesda, Md.)

Large, Titanic: A blinding perception leads Peter Roget to his life’s work — and to immortality. (Elliott Shevin, Efrat, West Financial institution)

Cinderella Goodfellas: “Yo, princess, you want me to take care of those stepsisters for you?” (Holly Rexrode, Waldorf, Md., a First Offender)

Clueless in Manhattan: “How very kind of that young man to squeegee-clean my car window!” (Karen Lambert)

Philadelphia Shock: On sooner or later in October, Eagles followers fail to boo even the opposing workforce. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

Sounder Aliens: Lastly, a rational political get together arrives on the scene. Tens of millions of People ask to be taken to their chief. (Les Finster, Washington, who obtained his solely different blot of Invite ink in Week 408, 2001)

Spartacus? Nope!: One Thracian insurgent missed the memo, and lived fortunately ever after. (Donald Norum, Charlottesville, Va.)

Velocity Atonement: An auctioneer-turned-rabbi officiates at a Yom Kippur service, giving a brand new that means to “fast day.” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Out of the blue Clueless: A dad discovers what it’s like when his little one turns into a teen. (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria, Va.)

Superbad Armageddon: Alexander’s Horrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Unhealthy Day will get worse. (Christy Tosatto, Asheville, N.C.)

Titanic Meatballs: Out to set the ground-beef file in any respect prices, a aggressive eater finds that his coronary heart gained’t go on. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Trainspotting Joker: An aspiring graffiti artist boosts his avenue cred by portray polka dots on each subway automotive within the South Bronx — till Officer Krupke is assigned to the case. (Allan Zackowitz, Brookeville, Md.)

1408 Sneakers: Imelda Marcos takes up basketball. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Airport Gladiator: The weak are filtered out in the course of the rush to fetch baggage from the LAX carousel on Thanksgiving eve. (Linda Wallers, Vancouver, Wash., a First Offender)

Alien Airplane!: Gov. Ron DeSantis comes up with a zany strategy to spend Floridians’ cash. (Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md.)

Babe Armageddon: Aporkalypse now! (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Bean Picnic: The well-known scene in “Blazing Saddles” is now a complete film! (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

Caged Harvey: A Hollywood producer who enjoys showering in entrance of others will get to do it the remainder of his life. (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Dunkirk Vehicles: Belgium rounds up all of the taxis within the nation to evacuate the trapped Allied troops and drive them to Britain — till they notice there’s one downside with their plan … (George Smith, Frederick, Md.)

Election Cry-Child: On this body-switch story, a toddler trapped within the physique of an grownup loses a presidency. (Jon Carter)

Flipper Babe: The Little Mermaid has a punky new persona on this Disney remake. (Robert Weiner, Washington, a First Offender)

Frankenstein Footloose: The rampaging monster should sluggish to a limp in quest of an ankle bolt. (Jeff Contompasis; Barbara Turner)

Frozen Avatar: Documentary on the glitch-fraught creation of Mark Zuckerberg’s first metaverse film. (Jon Grantham, Fairfax, Va.)

Frozen Smile: Elsa and Anna stand to inherit an unlimited kingdom so long as they faux to snigger at their father’s lame puns. (Frank Mann, Washington)

Goldfinger Up: Documentary detailing the world’s most costly prostate examination. (Mike Phillips, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Innocence Nope: A documentary on the findings of the Jan. 6 committee. (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Interstellar Joker: “I just flew in from Alpha Centauri, and boy, are my arms tired!” (Mark Calandra, Acton, Mass.)

Joe Flubber: Biden’s biggest gaffes, Half 1 (3 hrs. 10 minutes.) (Mark Raffman)

Maleficent Us: “Despicable Me” goes greater and nastier. (Arthur O’Dwyer, Irvington, N.Y.)

Manhattan Memento: Two vacationers at Grand Central Terminal grapple over the one “I ♥ New York” T-shirt on the racks. (Andrew Rosenberg, New York)

Milk Cabaret: “What good is sitting alone in your room? Come try our pure Grade A …” (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Milk It: A Hollywood studio has to determine whether or not to wring out yet one more sequel out of its franchise, and agonizes over the query for a number of milliseconds. (Duncan Stevens)

Monster Bridesmaids: Why ought to the bride be the one Zilla — particularly after she made her associates purchase these horrible attire? Revenge awaits. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

Monster M*A*S*H: A Korean Conflict surgeon employs unconventional procedures — notably the neck stitch-and-bolt — to maintain troopers battle-ready. (Dave Letizia, Pinehurst, N.C.)

Moonstruck Tootsie: A down-on-his-luck actor takes a job as a Cher impersonator with one objective in thoughts — to slap some sense into Nicolas Cage. “Left Behind?” “Bangkok Dangerous?” Come on, Nick, snap out of it!” (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

Offspring Eraser: The Herschel Walker story. (Ryan Martinez)

Pi Cheerleader: “3 point 1-4-1-5-9! Look at the scoreboard — who’s behind?” The story of the MIT pep squad. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond)

Pi Gaslight: A promising mathematician is nearly pushed mad by her jealous husband when he insists there isn’t any such factor as an irrational quantity. (Irene Plotzker, Wilmington, Del.)

Platoon Twins: Dolly Parton enlists within the military. (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

Valuable Avatar: A latest faculty graduate tries to clarify to his horrified mother and father why he spent his life financial savings on a digital picture of an unsightly ape sporting a beret and sun shades. (Karen Lambert)

Pulse Sisters: “These ladies have what every man wants in a woman!” (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Noticed Vehicles: A household of 4 recounts their thrilling trip up I-95 on Thanksgiving weekend. (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

Noticed Hair: A barber’s assistant asks for assist with a buyer whose locks haven’t been washed in latest reminiscence. (Duncan Stevens)

Shampoo Cats: Journey movie concerning the little-known Thirteenth labor of Hercules. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

Smile Battleground: He’s about to search out out that advising a lady on how she may look a lot prettier is a really dangerous thought. (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)

Solo l’Amore: An ex-president finds his solely real love. (Sudhir Vasudeva, McLean, Va.)

Soul Trainspotting: The place’s Don Cornelius? Documenting the dance present host’s cameo appearances in dozens of movies. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Seaside, Del.)

Out of the blue Heidi!: It’s 1968 and the Jets defeat the Raiders … we expect. (George Thompson, Springfield, Va.)

Superbad Reds: Wines of the World, Half 23: Chernobyl. (Mark Raffman)

Superbad Witness: “It was a tall blond guy! Or maybe an Asian lady?” (Ryan Martinez)

Thor Loser: A playground bully’s taunts develop into much less threatening when his child tooth begin to fall out. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

And Final: Superbad Memento: An Invite Loser laments receiving a second-place prize. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich., who’s positioned second 19 instances)

And Even Laster: Clown Obsession: A Loser leaves his job, household and associates behind as he seeks the highest prize in a weekly humor contest. (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

And Lastest of All: Nomadland Loser: A scrappy lady dwelling in a rolling field braves intermittent cell service on her primitive iPhone 6s in a quest for ink. (Christy Tosatto, full-time RV nomad, submitting for now from Asheville, N.C.)

Nonetheless working — deadline Monday evening, Nov. 7: Our contest to jot down one thing of 26 phrases, all of which begin with completely different letters. See wapo.st/invite1512.

DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Join right here to obtain a once-a-week electronic mail from the Empress as quickly as The Model Invitational and Model Conversational go browsing each Thursday, full with hyperlinks to the columns.


InvisibleInk!

Thought:(Duncan Stevens)
Examples:(Bob Staake)
Title:(Kevin Dopart)
Subhead:(Jesse Frankovich)
Prize:(Cheryl White)
VisibleInk!

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